“I need to learn how to be my own best friend” 

Okay now bear with me here because I know this may sound a little odd but think about it.  Who do you spend the majority of the time talking to?  Let me answer that for you, it’s yourself.  On average, according to the prophet google, we have about 50,000 thoughts every day of which 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive.  

You think a lot and that’s how you most communicate with yourself.  If you spoke to your friends the way you speak to yourself…would you have any friends left? 

A couple years ago my answer would have been a resounding ZERO.  

I’ve become so interested in what it means to be complete as a woman, outside of a relationship or the label of “mom” that I so proudly wear.  Who is Michaela?  How do you get to know yourself better?  And should you do that?  Because I know I used to say “I can’t spend too much time in my head, it’s dangerous up there.” 

I didn’t want to say that anymore.  I wanted my own thoughts to be a comforting place for me to be.  So I made a decision to do something that sounds odd but I decided to fall in love with myself.  

There’s a story in the bible where the disciples asked Jesus what commandment was the most important and He responded in Mark 12: 30-31 with “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[b]  Equally important is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[c] There is no commandment greater than these.”

Love others “as you love yourself,” in other words you can only love others to the level that you love yourself!  

It’s a bold and yet beautiful statement and one that I have taken to heart.

I started researching “how to improve relationships” and I began to translate that into how I would improve the relationship with myself.    

Here are 3 tips…

1. Spend time with you! If you never spend time with someone it’s really hard to develop a stronger relationship with them.  You can’t be friends with someone that you don’t know.  So I say start “dating yourself.” When was the last time you went to the movies by yourself, took yourself out to dinner, went to the beach alone? (pre quarantine that is) It’s GLORIOUS!  Now I know what you’re thinking…but Michaela I’m a mom, wife, coworker, daughter, friend etc and I wear every label you can imagine.  I don’t have the time or resources to do any of those things.  Here’s what I know to be true.  We will make time for what’s important and YOU are important.  Wouldn’t you agree?  Are you telling yourself the lie that self care is selfish?  Self care is stewardship, it’s taking care of what God gave you.  When we fill our cups; we can love better, work better, mom better, friend better (that’s not correct English but it’s all good), listen better, live life b.e.t.t.e.r.  I know, it’s an adjustment to think this way.  It’s a lot easier to put yourself on the back burner but you deserve to be upfront and center.  

 

2. Give yourself grace. Start catching your thoughts. Be aware of what you’re saying to yourself.  You might be surprised at just how often you put yourself down. Did you catch that opening statistic?  95% of your thoughts are repetitive or recurring thoughts and 80% of your thoughts are negative.  If you called your friend an idiot every time she made an honest mistake I’m pretty sure she’d get annoyed with you quickly.  

What are those reoccurring thoughts you have….”I never finish what I start,” “I procrastinate everything,” “I’m not a good mom,” “I look fat in this outfit,” “I ____fill in the blank”   We tell ourselves a story all day, everyday.  What does your story say???  

*Ask yourself these questions…

Do I want this information to be a part of me?

Would I want my daughter to say this about herself?

Would I say this to a friend?

Write down the negative thought/s and then rewrite how you would want your friend or daughter to talk to herself.  Whatever you think about most WILL grow.  I want you to know just how magnificent you are.  The timid girl who’s afraid to put herself out there, try on that new dress, rock a red lipstick, apply for that job, audition for the worship team, you..you are only limited by how you see yourself.  It’s time to fix our focus.    

3. LOVE who you are!  I want you to think about what makes you exceptional and uniquely you 🙂  You bring something to the world that nobody else does, THAT is special and it’s time you embrace who you are.

You are worthy!  You are brilliant!  You are more than the labels you wear! 

Who you are, just as you are, is both broken and beautiful…all in the same breath.  God created you out of His image and His image was/is/and forever will be perfect.  Your quirks weren’t a mistake, they were created with/for a purpose.  I believe God will use that same quirk you wish you didn’t have, to one day be your greatest strength you’d never want to change.  When you take time to know you, refine the story you are telling yourself, and embrace who you are THEN you can begin to build an authentic relationship with yourself and others. When you come from THAT place of love and peace within yourself…it’s a whole different ball game my friends. 

The relationship you have with yourself is far more important than you know!  #beyourownbestiefortherestie 

xoxo, Michaela

p.s. Tell a friend what you are struggling with.  A huge part of the healing process has to do with opening up with a true friend and being transparent about what you are dealing with.  Community is so vital to your growth and healing.  If you don’t have one, well then you are in the right place because that is what we are here for.  A true friend will help you see yourself as the bright beautiful light that you are.  Jesus himself had an inner circle and if He needed one then so do we!